


The Seventh Proposal

by burninglikeabridge



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 17:00:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burninglikeabridge/pseuds/burninglikeabridge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean had to propose to Cas seven times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Seventh Proposal

Dean Winchester had to propose to Castiel six times.  
The first, it was his own nerves that choked him up and ruined the proposal. The next five times, it was Cas.  
1.  
They're in the back of the Impala, late at night. It's peaceful; one of the rare moments of quiet and content that Dean could find.  
Cas is leaning his head against Dean's shoulder, and Dean doesn't dare to move. He knows Cas isn't sleeping. Angels don't sleep.  
But, Cas is so still, so peaceful, that Dean doesn't want to disturb him.  
'Dean?' Cas's voice is quiet, but it cuts through the dark and the silence and startles Dean.  
'Yeah?' Dean's suddenly choked up: Cas's hand is finding his and holding on, and he's shifting just the slightest bit closer. And this is the moment, Dean thinks. There's never been a more perfect time.  
His other hand shifts to his pocket, and he slides his fingers in, feeling the cool metal.  
The ring itself is nothing special. He picked it up a few towns back, and it's just the tiniest silver band. But it means more.  
It means that Cas will be his, forever, as long or short as that may turn out to be. It means that there's no one else in the world, in all of heaven and hell and earth, that Dean wants. It means forever.  
Dean wants that, so bad, but he's choking up and Cas is sighing, and then he's pulling his hand out of his pocket and wrapping it around Cas's waist instead. He digs his fingers into the rough material of Cas's coat, takes a deep breath and all he can smell is the rain from earlier on Cas's skin and clothes.  
It's so perfect, Dean can't breathe.  
'I love you.' Cas mumbles, barely audible as he shuts his eyes again. He's not asleep, but if Dean didn't know better, he'd believe he was.  
I love you too, Dean thinks. But he doesn't say it, because so many other words are threatening to spill out and he isn't sure if he should say them yet or not.  
He isn't sure if Cas really feels the same, and he can't handle the idea of Cas leaving.  
Dean doesn't sleep.  
2.  
The second time, Dean and Cas are hiding down an alleyway, and there's a hoarde of demons they've just escaped from.  
Dean's breathing is heavy, but Cas is perfectly composed, as always. Dean wants to kiss the composure away, leave him panting.  
Instead, in his adrenaline hazy mind, he gets the idea. His hand is reaching for the ring before he even realizes it.  
Now or never, he thinks.  
'Dean!' Cas warns, and at first Dean thinks that Cas has realized what he was doing, and has shut him down. But then Dean glances over his shoulder and he can hear the faint sound of footsteps. Demons?  
Cas grabs his hand and moves to run.  
Dean's trying to speak still, he's thinking that now is the time, and he's fumbling for the ring as Cas is dragging him along.  
'Cas-' Dean is trying to say, because he can't drag this out any further, and he needs Cas to know.  
He needs to know that Dean loves him, even when he can't say it sometimes. He needs to know that he's what Dean wants; slow kisses in the dark, fingers entertwined, Cas's head on Dean's chest.  
Cas needs to know.  
But Cas is staring at him, his blue eyes sharp, warning.  
Now isn't the time to let him know.  
'Dean, we don't have time to talk right now.' He says simply, and then they're running.  
Dean's blindly following around corners, down other alleys and down the street. Cas fills up his whole head: all he can see, all he can think is dark, messy hair, bright blue eyes, a tan coat, a rarely shown smile that Cas is showing Dean now.  
I love you, Dean thinks. I've never loved anything like I love you.  
It's awful, it's painful, it's blinding how much I love you.  
It's perfect, Dean thinks.  
He smiles back at Cas, and runs a little faster to keep up.  
You still amaze me, he thinks as he looks at Cas.  
It's starting to look like proposing is going to be more of a challenge than Dean thought.  
3.  
The third time Dean tries to propose, they're in a hotel room.  
Anonymous, plain, nothing special or new.  
Just a typical hotel room.  
Cas is standing in the small kitchen, leaning on the sink. He's looking out the window as if he's waiting for someone. Maybe he is; Dean doesn't ask, and Cas doesn't say.  
Dean's been staring at him from the bed for about five or so minutes.  
I love you, Dean's mind keeps thinking over and over. It's so sappy, and Dean feels like a girl, but he couldn't care less.  
The world is literally ending, and he can't procratinate any longer. He pulls the ring out and looks at it in his palm.  
He suddenly can't breathe.  
He's Dean Winchester; his ultimate fear is supposed to be commitment. Yet, isn't commitment something you compromise for? It's a deal you make, and you lose something in the process of commitment, you give up something.  
This doesn't feel like commitment at all to Dean. It feels like a priveledge, to get to say that Cas is his, all his, forever.  
It's not a chore, and it sure as hell isn't a compromise. There's no better deal Dean can think of.  
He turns the ring over in his hand and takes a deep breath.  
Dean stands up and moves to the kitchen.  
'Cas?' Dean's voice is breathless, and he tries to calm himself as he looks up at Cas.  
'Dean.' Cas says. 'What's wrong?'  
'Oh, um, nothing is wrong, it's just that-' Dean's palms are sweating so bad he's afraid he'll drop the ring.  
'Cas, listen-'  
'Sh.' Cas's hand moves to cover Dean's mouth. Dean's heart drops, and he's thinking that he's royally screwed up. Cas leans in, his breath against Dean's cheek. 'Do you hear it?' Cas's voice has dropped to a low whisper.  
Dean's mouth is still covered, so he shakes his head. His shaking fingers slip the ring back into his pocket.  
'Demons.' Cas moves back, dropping his hand. He glances back out the window and nods once at Dean, as if to make sure he's ready. He nods back.  
Of course he is.  
Cas reaches for Dean's hand, and Dean mentally kicks himself.  
Close, he thinks. Close but not yet.  
4.  
They're on a bridge.  
It's the middle of the day, and they have much better things to be doing, but Dean knows that Cas likes looking at the water.  
They should be driving, meeting up with Sam. There's plenty of things to do, but Dean stopped the car and brought Cas out onto the bridge.  
Cas always appreciated the smallest, simplest things. He's smiling and leaning over the railing the slightest bit, and Dean's heart skips a best.  
Dean would kill to put that smile on Cas's face.  
He'd do anything for Cas.  
For the fourth time now, he's reaching for the ring.  
'Cas-'  
'Dean!' Cas suddenly turns towards him, grabbing him by his shoulders. He pulls Dean into a hug. 'Thank you.' He mumbled into Dean's shoulder, sighing.  
Dean isn't sure what he's thanking him for, and he doesn't really care as he pulls Cas closer.  
The ring can wait just a little bit longer.  
5.  
Dean is certain this time.  
He isn't going to hesitate, not even for a second.  
Hesitation gives the fear a chance to sink into his sink, and mix with his blood until it becomes doubt and more fear, and then he'll talk himself out of it.  
So, no hesitation this time.  
They're in a restaurant and Dean's thinking that it's perfect because, well, don't ordinary people sometimes propose in restaurants?  
Well, maybe not small, possibly ghost infested diners.  
But still, a restaurant seemed fitting enough.  
The diner is mostly empty, only two or three other couples besides them.  
Cas is mostly quiet, but he holds Dean's hand under the table.  
It's not as if Dean cares who sees them together, who sees that they're a couple.  
When Dean's with Cas, he doesn't care about anything else.  
'Listen, Cas.' Dean says. He reaches over the table with both hands and places them over Cas's hand. 'I want to ask you something.' He's proud that his voice doesn't shake.  
'Yes, Dean.' Cas looks confused for a moment, then nods.  
Dean takes a breath.  
'I've been thinking, and I want to-'  
'No.' Cas says sharply, and Dean bites his tongue.  
Then he realizes that Cas is looking over his shoulder at someone behind Dean.  
'I'm assuming those aren't friends.' Dean jokes weakly.  
He slides his hands away from Cas, who is now staring at the men near the doorway with concern.  
Cas is reaching in his coat for his knife, and Dean realizes that this is now a battleground.  
A battleground is not an appropriate place for a proposal.  
Dean lets out a frustrated sigh.  
He asks himself, How many times am I going to have to do this?  
6.  
After the fifth time, Dean's frustrated. He's annoyed, and he's impatient.  
He's never been more sure of anything, and yet, he can't get the words out.  
He turns the ring over in his hand, the metal warm from contact.  
Cas isn't in the hotel room, and Dean isn't sure where he is.  
He presumes that some people would want to know where their boyfriend was at all times. Dean doesn't feel the need; there's no lack of trust, and as long as Cas is anywhere but Dean, all Dean can feel is impatience.  
He moves from the bed to pace the room again.  
He stands somewhere in the middle of the room, trying to clear his head.  
He's asking himself the typical questions, or what he assumes are typical- Do I make it long? Short? Do I get down on my knee?  
No, Dean decides. If I end up on my knees, this will take an entirely different turn.  
He smirks a bit at his own joke, but still feels the weight on his chest.  
He needs to do this.  
He wants to do this.  
So why is it so difficult?  
'Dean.' Cas's hands are already slipping around Dean's waist before Dean realizes that he's there.  
'Cas.' Dean's response is a bit breathier than he'd like to admit, but he was taken by surprise and now Cas is kissing his neck, and he's fumbling with the ring.  
Now? Dean wonders. Then Cas's hands are sliding up Dean's shirt, and he can't think.  
Next time, Dean promises himself as he turns to face Cas. Dean pulls him in by his tie, kissing him until Dean can't breathe.  
Cas kisses him again.  
Dean stops thinking, and the ring is in his pocket again.  
Next time.  
7.  
The very last time, Dean is driving and Cas is in the backseat, looking out the window.  
They've just gotten into an argument.  
Dean hates the fact that he can't save everyone. And Cas hates the fact that Dean blames himself.  
So now they're in silence; and the quiet is like a tangible force, slowly tightening its grip on Dean until he can't breathe anymore.  
'Dean.' Cas's voice cuts through the silence, and now his hand is on Dean's shoulder and Dean is snapping back into reality.  
He's swerving into the other lane. He curses and steers the car straight again.  
'You're upset.' Cas has a way of stating the obvious, but this time Dean doesn't mind because it's true and he doesn't want to say it himself.  
'It's me.' Cas says, and he goes on before Dean can correct him. Before Dean can say: no, Cas. It's never you. You are the one thing that does not upset me.  
'I'm the reason.' Cas's voice is shaking the slightest bit. 'I gave everything for you,' he sighs. 'And it is not enough to help.'  
Cas shifts in the seat, and for a terrifying second Dean thinks he's going to leave.  
'Cas-' Dean doesn't mean to sound desperate but he does. 'Please, don't.'  
He pulls the car over and turns around to face Cas, who has fallen silent again.  
'You are-' Dean curses. This isn't right. His hand has found the ring again and this just isn't right, not now. But then he meets Cas's eyes. Blue eyes, the bluest he's ever seen. And so sad, because of all they've seen and the anticipation of more of what they will see.  
And then Dean knows. This is right. No matter the circumstances, Cas has always been what's right.  
'Cas.' Dean says, and he's reaching for Cas's hand with shaking fingers.  
Cas grips Dean's hand, reassuring him. Making this easier, just like Cas makes everything easier.  
'Castiel,' Dean says and it feels awkward, but he thinks that you're supposed to use full names when doing this sort of thing, and he wants it to be right.  
'Dean.' Cas replies, and Dean realizes that Cas has no idea what's happening.  
Dean looked down at the ring in his other hand, and he knows Cas is looking too.  
But Cas doesn't understand; he looks terrified now.  
'Dean, if you want me to leave all you have to-'  
'You idiot!' Dean interrupts. 'Why in the hell would I want you to leave? Damn it, Cas. I'm trying to propose to you.' Dean freezes, realizing what he's said.  
'Dean-' Cas still looks confused, so Dean decides to make it blatantly obvious.  
'I'm trying to marry you.' He says as he slides the ring onto Cas's hand. 'If you'll let me.'  
'Dean?' Cas looks up from his hand.  
'Marry me?' Dean chokes out, because now he can't breathe. He's done it; and he isn't sure if it's a good or bad thing. Cas's expression is too hard to read.  
And then the smallest smile spreads across his mouth and he leans forward to kiss Dean softly.  
'I don't need a ring to know that I want you forever.' Cas says softly, and it's so out of character, so sweet and it means everything, and Dean is surprised.  
'Is that a yes?' Dean tries to sound casual, but he feels that if his heart beats any faster he'll go into cardiac arrest.  
'That is a yes, Dean.' And Cas is kissing him again, and it couldn't be more right.


End file.
